Feature: Rohit K. Dasgupta

Child Sexual Abuse and Boys

The term child sexual abuse is an umbrella term describing the acts of offence committed by an adult on a minor for purposes of sexual gratification. This may be molestation, exploitation (as in trafficking, pornography, prostitution) to direct assault. There is no clear-cut definition to this term as yet but the central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of the adult that allows him to force or coerce the child into sexual activities.

There is no general accurate statistics on the prevalence of child abuse and are difficult to collect due to the lack of a definition and underreporting. Statistics in general have shown that girls are sexually abused more often than boys, but boys, and later men, have a tendency to not report this victimization. Some men even feel societal pressure to be proud of early sexual activity (no matter how unwanted it may have been at the time).One of the biggest misconceptions regarding child sexual abuse (CSA) is that it “only happens to girls”. That is untrue. Boys face sexual abuse at a higher frequency than girls, say many statistical reports. However societal and peer pressure prevents boys from coming out with their abuse stories as female sexual abuse reports are more in the news than theirs.
One male survivor of sexual abuse by his female teacher recalls the confusion it resulted in: “One minute she was reprimanding me for not doing my homework and the next minute she was all over me. The next day when I went to school, she acted like nothing had happened. This happened till I graduated.” Another survivor says his aunt was very “hot” and said it was a kick for him to have his first sexual experience with her at age 12, but he later felt “sick” about it. He now claims to “hate” women and refuses to trust them.

A major contributor to the problem is the prevailing shroud of myths that muddy the issue and allow perpetrators to continue their actions unabated. Some common myths include: “only men are sexual predators”, “boys are not harmed by sexual contact if it is by a woman”, “boys want such contact if it is by a woman”, and “if a boy is sexually abused, it is because he wanted it or asked for it.” As long as society clings to these and other commonly held mistaken beliefs, boys, men, their families, and society as a whole will continue to suffer.

We live in a patriarchal world where men are thought to be the “protectors”. “Macho”, “tough”, they are expected never to be vulnerable. Thus, to be male and a victim of rape or molestation poses issues that most people refuse to deal with and creates problems impeding their ability to cope with the aftermath of abuse. Yet another problem men have to deal with is the fact that there is not enough support groups for male victims of sexual abuse as there are for female victims. Under these circumstances, men and boys who have been sexually abused do not get the support and help that women survivors have come to take for granted, in general, in the last two decades.

Without the proper emotional support and validation to help them work through their feelings, many boys and men find less healthy ways of coping. Older abused boys and men are more likely to act out violently, abuse alcohol or drugs, become sexually promiscuous, perhaps even commit rape or murder, in order to regain a feeling of control or power over their bodies and their lives. These factors are exacerbated by fears of being thought of as effeminate or homosexual because of the experience. “I didn’t want to talk about it (the abuse), because I was afraid that people would think I’m gay or that I molest kids” said Charles, an incest survivor.
Younger boys will often become bullies at school or on the playground, perform poorly at school, be socially withdrawn, lose their appetite, and perhaps revert to earlier behaviors such as bedwetting. In some, the perceived loss of personal power is so complete that they themselves become the targets of bullies and/or further sexual predation. The tremendous loss of self-esteem, as well as the violation of trust, can and does cause an inability for the person to form intimate bonds with others from that point forward. This causes innumerable problems with work, social, and romantic relationships. 

Sexual abuse highlights a feeling of inadequacy in the face of power imbalances that exists between generation and between sexes. In reality, statistical evidence on child sexual abuse points only to the conclusion that there is a relationship between gender and abuse. Paedophiles have sometimes been stereotyped as men with a fixed interest in boys, and homophobic individuals and groups have asserted that a relationship exists between homosexuality and CSA but it does not follow that that all homosexual men are potential sex exploiters any more than it follows that all heterosexual men pose a threat to girl children.

Those of you who have read Scott Heim’s book Mysterious Skin will agree that it cites one of the best examples of the issue of boys and CSA, and how they deal with it. In the novel, two young boys are molested by their baseball coach and grow up with very different recollections of the experience. One of the boys blocks out the entire episode and becomes convinced he was abducted by aliens. The other boy feels he was specially chosen by the offender, whose “love” became the highlight of his young life. He subsequently becomes a teenage hustler and sex addict, while the other boy feels asexual and is given to nosebleeds and fainting spells. Thus, one cannot remember; the other cannot forget.
The book also breaks a further myth that child abuse often affects the sexuality of the child (though true in some cases). Both Brian and Neil are abused by their football coach, but while Neil discovers he is homosexual, Brian remains a heterosexual.

In conclusion we might say that sensitization is the key at this point of time. People need to know that the sexual abuse of young boys exists (in a place like in India it is more than necessary). The people around the victim should form a support system and try and bring the victim back to normalcy and NEVER ask him to recount the experience. Peer counselors need to be formed who are educated and trained to handle disclosure and ways in dealing with it. The victim should understand that help is at hand and reach out as soon as possible. The victim has to understand that the act of abuse was not his fault and he has the right to protest now that he has come to understand what had happened to him. Many victims claim that they are shameful because they “enjoyed” the experience, but they must understand that sex is an enjoyable process but the way it had been done was not right.

The right kind of training and sensitization can ease the whole process and reaching out is the key to help.

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Rohit K. Dasgupta is an undergraduate student of Comparative Literature at the Jadavpur University, Calcutta. He is also a member of Elaan, a Calcutta NGO working to raise awareness against child sexual abuse. This article an abridged form of a larger paper entitled Boys and CSA, presented at the Elaan awareness programme at Seagull Centre for Media and the Arts , Calcutta, on July 14, 2007.